In June 2024, I had the privilege of attending a historic conference—the first of its kind—where domestic violence (DV) was openly discussed in a respectful and collaborative forum. Representatives from around the globe, including DV advocates, judicial authorities, central authorities, psychological experts, academics, NGOs, researchers, judges, left-behind parents, and women who had fled Family and Sexual Violence, came together for an honest dialogue.

​

This forum was pursued by Dr. Christophe Bernasconi, despite facing resistance from some quarters. He pressed forward, underscoring the critical importance of holding space for these discussions. Over the course of three and a half days, I listened to judges, lawyers, academics, mediators, psychologists, and NGOs speak—each offering perspectives from their respective professional lanes.

​

A Universal Crisis: Family Violence as a Global Epidemic

One key theme emerged: Family Violence is a widespread crisis affecting every country represented. There is no denying this reality. 1980 Hague Convention cases, in particular, are notoriously complex and emotionally charged, often presenting severe challenges for those involved.

Yet, what stood out most to me was how different countries—and different judges—define what constitutes a “grave risk” to a child. The interpretation varies significantly, with some nations making strides in understanding the nuances of DV while others lag behind. The UK and Australia are improving their approach, leading the way in recognizing the broader impacts of Family Violence. Meanwhile, Aotearoa and several European countries continue to struggle with this issue, particularly when raised in 1980 Hague Convention cases.

​

Sharing My Story: The Courage to Flee

During the forum, I spoke from a healed and respectful place, sharing my own experience of escaping family violence with my son and navigating a Hague case. I emphasized the immense courage it takes for women to flee, urging those in attendance to sit with me and truly listen as I explained that psychological, emotional, and financial abuse can be just as soul-destroying as physical violence.

​

To my relief—and deep appreciation—my speech was welcomed, with judicial representatives from around the world thanking me for sharing my journey. Some individuals, including Lord Justice Cobb (UK), Phillip Lorte, Christophe Bernasconi, and Luke Brown (Secretary General to the Attorney General of Australia), took time to discuss ways we might collaborate to support families in crisis.

​

Luke Brown, in particular, spoke to me during a coffee break about how New Zealand and Australia could work together to help NZ citizens escape violence more efficiently. Instead of women and children being forced to flee and then face Hague proceedings, could we establish a speedy international relocation order to facilitate safer transitions? His acknowledgment of how disruptive it is for children to bounce between countries was an encouraging step forward.

​

The Next Steps for Aotearoa: Breaking Open Closed Doors

During the long journey home (27 hours to be exact), I had time to reflect on everything I had absorbed throughout the forum. One question lingered:

How do we bring Trauma and Family Violence training to Hague Judges across Aotearoa?

​

Currently, the New Zealand Central Authority (CA) holds closed-door workshops—exclusive to lawyers representing the CA and Hague Judges handling 1980 Hague Convention cases. These sessions are not open to other interested participants, limiting the opportunity for broader collaboration.

​

So how do we open these doors? How do we create workshops that allow other legal professionals and Hague Judges to work together toward better outcomes and not hold the reputation of having such high return rates for our tamariki in these 1980 Hague cases

​

The momentum from this conference cannot be lost. The discussions held here must translate into actionable change for families affected by FV. The road ahead is uncertain, but one thing remains clear: systemic reform is long overdue, and it starts with education, collaboration, and a commitment to understanding domestic violence in all its complexities.